Up The Duff, A Father To Be's Blog 2

The first post is really a memory jogger for a ways down the line.I want to try and put my feelings and emotions into words if I can, use this as an outlet to see how I am feeling about the arrival, next April, of bean.

I am;

Thrilled
Scared shitless
Overprotective
Smiling a hell of a lot
Ringing Dee far too often to check on her
Being too nice to her, making her tea and such.
Horny as a motherfucker

I do not know how people survive a 9 month pregnancy, my nerves are shredded and I am in week 7 , and in week 2 of knowing.Every burp, cough or even shift on the couch has me asking her if she is ok.I am waking 6 or 7 times a night to check on her.I am not sleeping and as I have said I won't drink beer at home until bean is born I am staying frighteningly sober.Tired and sober is not a good look for me I have to say, and by April I will look like Christian Bale in "the machinist"
THE "M " WORD
Miscarriage terrifies the shit out of me, I don't know if I could cope with it , I don't know if Dee could cope, and if I am being honest , I don't know if our relationship could cope with it.
THE OTHER "M" WORD
We are broke, have been for a while, there will be no new money coming in, Dee will be out of work , and then there is the cost of child-minders.This child will be on the breast until free milk in primary school (note to self, check to see if they still give out free milk).I am considering working Saturdays to free up a weekday but keep wages the same, I am considering a second job, hell I am considering selling my damn liver, now the booze has drained out of it.
This is a scary ass time, and I do not know how kids in a new relationship, or girls not in a relationship ,work up the courage to tell their parents.My parents and my in-laws are all going to be thrilled to bits and I am still nervous about telling them.